Most fathers will agree that there are a growing number of issues that are not being adequately resolved. Consequently, many fathers have felt the need for a new collective voice to address these issues on their behalf. In response to this increasing concern, a representative body has been established. This organisation is called the 'Fathers of New Zealand' or FNZ for short.

If you have come to this website it is most likely that you are or about to become involved in family separation and possibly the Family Court.

The first thing that you should consider is that if possible and at all costs avoid going to the Family Court. Try and resolve any problems by negotiation and mediation involving the use of other people or counsellors. The Family Court is an extremely stressful place to go to try and resolve family conflicts.

When you go to a traffic court or a civil / criminal court there is a hearing and matters resolved and at worst you will have some money taken from you but by and large life will go on and matters forgotten.

When you go to the family court the future and well being of your children is at stake, these precious things that you nurtured and loved will be having decisions made over them by a bunch of lawyers and judges, many of whom have no children of their own and not much understanding of family dynamics.

The anxiety and stress is enormous when the future of your children is being argued over in a courtroom based on adversarial argument.

The best thing that you can do if you do end up in the family court is to avoid adversarial court proceedings and focus entirely on the wellbeing and future arrangements for the children. Unfortunately you cannot control the behaviours of the other person, their lawyer or the lawyer for child but my many experiences helping people in the family court has shown me that the judges are willing to support people who focus on their children and don’t get involved in tit for tat arguments trying to prove the wrong doings of the other person.

Children are a man's heart and soul. They are the reason he spends eight, ten and sometimes twelve hours each day toiling at a back-breaking, mind-bending and spirit-numbing job. He struggles to create and implement a plan that will move his family forward. Men who are fathers are the glue that holds our families, our communities and our world together. Despite what you may read and hear, men especially men who are fathers are loved and very much needed! Fathers from all walks of life , much like fathers from generations past, quietly and unceremoniously and sometimes, under the most difficult set of circumstances go about the business of shaping the minds and souls of our children.

Your children deserve to have the wisdom, nurturing and love of both parents and it is a fathers responsibility to be involved with their children’s lives.

You may be beyond the negotiating and communication with the other parent and the only way forward for you to be a proper parent for your children is to make applications to the family court. If so then this website is designed to help you. It has the application forms, affidavits that you need, templates of letters that you may need to write, some advice on how to deal with some of the problems you may encounter and how to deal with court staff, psychologists, police as well as huge amounts of methodical, scientific research showing the importance of fathers and the disastrous outcomes for children without fathers.

The first thing that you need to learn before making any applications are the 3 principles that help you to succeed at the Family Court.

They are:

1. Focus entirely on the children and obtaining good outcomes for them.
2. Do not denigrate or criticise the ex or anybody in the family court system.
3. Do not defend yourself

Here is the explanation of the above 3 principles.

Focus entirely on the children and obtaining good outcomes for them.
The judge in the FC is going to make a decision about the children therefore everything you say and do is about your involvement with the children, importance of fatherhood, your desire to be a good father to them, be involved in their sport, education, that you know that children that do not have father involvement have bad outcomes i.e. drug, alcohol abuse, pregnancy, crime, failure in education etc, etc and that you want to ensure that this does not happen to your children. In other words all positive information about the need for father involvement.

The judges are not there to determine if one parent or another is good or bad. Unless there are really serious allegations of violence, drug ,alcohol or sex abuse the judge does not want to hear about things that have happened in the past and that almost everybody has somewhere in their history.

Do not denigrate, criticise the ex or anybody in the system.
The FC is not about proving who is a good or bad parent; it is about finding out the best situation that the child can end up in. The judges hear day in day out parents at court slagging at each other and they are not there to sort out childish arguments between adults. The hearing isn’t about proving one parent is right and the other wrong.

Don't criticize the system or those working in it, I have never heard yet of a Govt department that will admit to its mistakes and these people who work in the system make a lot of money from it so are even less likely to admit failures.

Do not defend yourself. (Unless they are serious allegations of violence, sex abuse etc)
Nobody ever won a war, a football game or anything else by defending. Everything you do at court should be positive i.e. focused on the children and your involvement with them. Do not respond to silly allegations made by your ex. All you simply need to say that the comments made in paragraphs XXX to XXX are not true, they are only hearsay and opinion and none of it relevant to the future well being of the children.

To broaden the argument from the above 3 principles, the lawyers want nothing more than to involve you in adversarial litigation i.e. the mother versus the father to contest who is the better parent and who should have the children. They do this because this is how they make money and it is how they have been trained.

By representing yourself and not engaging in adversarial litigation, go to court and tell them of the need for your children’s fathers involvement, don’t denigrate the ex. Do not defend yourself against her silly allegations the court then becomes more inquisitorial and focuses on investigating the respective parents abilities and situation (accommodation, transport etc) to be able to be involved with the children. This is where the father can make huge gains because the ex is focused on criticizing and diminishing the father and the father talks only of his love for his children and desire to be a good father for them, i.e. he is the one who is most reasonable, thinking only of the children and not interested in hostility towards the ex.

Once you have understood the 3 principles, particularly the first and recognise that the Family Court is really misnamed and should be called the Children’s Court because its their welfare and future the court is going to decide then you will need to decide which applications to make.

There are many different situations that are decided at the family Court. Listed below are some of the more common ones.

Shared parenting or variation of parenting.
If you are still able to communicate with the other party or you have a shared parenting arrangement that you wish to change then the first thing that you should do is write a letter to them outlining your wish to resolve things for the sake of the children’s wellbeing and your proposals how this should be done. Don’t telephone or email because this all to easily can lead to conflict. All ways emphasise that it is for the children’s benefit and don’t make any hostile comments or accusations or write the letter in an inflammatory way.

Sometimes the other person will agree to what you have asked or something close to it. If that happens and it sometimes does then there is no need for any court involvement.

If the other person does not reply then send the letter again. All of this is building your case. If matters end up at court then at least you can show the judge that you tried to resolve things without the intervention of the court and you will start to be seen as someone who is reasonable and responsible.

If there is no reply or a reply that does not agree to your reasonable proposals then you will need to make an application for parenting orders or if there are already orders in place then an application for a variation of parenting orders.

For more information see the Care of Children Act 2004
Section 48 for parenting orders.
Section 56 for variations.

Non removal from New Zealand.
If you have a concern that the other party may attempt to leave New Zealand and take the children with them you can apply without notice for an application for a non removal order from New Zealand.
The other party will not be informed and there will be no hearing and your application will go straight before a judge. This is also known commonly as a CAAPs order. If having read your application and its supporting affidavit the judge decides to grant a non removal order the court will fax and mail (check with them that they will do this) to the appropriate authorities notification which will then prevent the children being taken from New Zealand. Occasionally, if there is not good supporting evidence that the other party will leave NZ then the matter will go to a hearing.

For more information see Care of Children act 2004 section 77

Non removal from local area.
If you have a concern that the other party may attempt to leave the area and take the children with them in an attempt to prevent your contact with the children then you can make a without notice application for a non removal order. It is more likely that this application will go to a hearing
For more information see Care of Children act 2004 section 4

Guardianship.
A Child’s mother and father are joint guardians unless;

(after July 2005)

• If you were married to or living with the mother at any time from the conception to the birth of the child then you are a guardian. If not then you will have to make an application for guardianship.

• If the fathers particulars are registered on the child's birth certificate after the commencement of the Act.

(before July 2005)

• If you were married at any time from the conception to the birth of the child then you are a guardian.

• If you were not married but living with the mother at the time of birth then you are a guardian.

• If you were not married or living with the mother at the time of birth then you will have to make an application for guardianship.

See Care of the Children Act Part 2 s 17 & 18.

Mediation conference
A mediation conference is a meeting chaired by a Judge giving people an opportunity to resolve their dispute without going to a court hearing. They are not as formal as court hearings and the conference will try and identify the issues and reach agreement between the parties.

You are far better attending a mediation conference without a lawyer so that you can speak directly to the judge without the lawyer’s interpretation or misunderstandings getting in the way. (Or their excessive costs)

You will need to learn the 3 basic principles of:

1. Its all about the children and the need for them to have a father and your responsibilities to them as a father.
2. Do not denigrate the ex or anybody in the system.
3. Do not defend yourself against silly allegations.

The judge chairing a mediation conference can make separation, parenting, contact, maintenance and matrimonial property orders only if both parties agree to the orders being made. Consent orders made at a mediation conference are enforceable through the Family Court. Nothing said a mediation conference can be brought up at a later court hearing. To make an application for a mediation conference you will need to write a letter to the court registrar giving the reasons.

Click on what do I need? for an application form for a Mediation Conference.

Some explanation of the various terms and happenings at the Family Court are:

Shared Parenting Means.
Equality of parenting ensuring that children’s rights to frequent and on going contact with both parents, grandparents and extended family is maintained and that both parents are there to support their children and work together in their children’s best interests.
It does not necessarily mean that contact with the children has to be divided 50/50 and can be 40/60, 30/70 etc.

Parenting orders.
This used to be called custody and access but that has now been replaced with parenting orders and contact instead of access. These new terms recognise the importance of both parents being involved and take away the idea of one parent having "ownership" of the children and the other having "visiting" rights.

Registrars list
A Registrar's Hearing is an administrative fixture to monitor the compliance with the directions made by the Judge.
The court registrar will want to know if any progress has been made in settling matters, or if not, to set a date for filing of affidavits or a hearing and compliance with Judges directions.
If for example the other party has not filed affidavits after the judge told them to do so, the registrar will write and tell them that they must do so. It isn’t necessary to attend and you can post, fax or email the registrar updating them on the latest situation. You can go and see them if you so wish and it may also help to progress matters more urgently by keeping some pressure on them.

Generally applications for guardianship are fairly easy to make and succeed with because of the recognition of the need for a fathers involvement in children’s lives.
If you are a guardian of a child then you have an equal right with the other parent in all decisions over the child’s welfare, including:

• Where they will live
• Medical treatment
• Education
• Culture, language and religious practice.

For more information see sections 15 – 23 of the Care of Children Act 2004

For additional information on affidavits, letters, and other applications, go to our what do I need? for page

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